4 "spots"

I went to the Dermatologist a couple weeks ago for a few "spots" that I thought were suspicious. Isn't it funny, not funny ha ha, but funny strange, that the spots we think are suspicious aren't really anthing at all?! Well, much to my relief they were nothing.

But.....yep, you guessed it.....there is always a but. I had a "spot" on my left shoulder that was sooooo itchy that it drove me crazy. I itched it till it was so sore and even had developed a (scab) on it. Well, the dermatologist said THEY (hey, I only had one itchy spot, Dr!) were concerning him.

So, Dr. Dermatologist took out his handy dandy eye piece looking thingy to get a better look at my shoulder. He said, as he shook his head, "yep, just as I thought." THOUGHT......what did you think? Tell me!

He said some mumbo-jumbo Dr. infused words to the nurse in the room as she took notes....all the while I was sitting there completely perplexed! But at least I wasn't in a plastic shirt or a hospital gown backwards..don't you hate wearing those?

Then it happened.....he turned to me and started to tell me what he saw. Ok.....now you know I was sweating bullets by this time.....wondering what the heck he was gonna tell me. "I'm very concerned about the 4 (four) spots on your shoulder. They aren't cancer, they're PRE-CANCER...ok. So, I'm gonna take my _____ and freeze the spots off." Hey, do whatcha gotta do.....I don't want to have skin cancer...ever!

"This is gonna sting just a little," he said as he aimed that honkin' big silver freeze baby burner thingy at my shoulder. He started and I closed my eyes anticipating much worse. I said it wasn't as bad as I thought. He said....and this is funny if you knew the Dr....."it is about like a tattoo." Seriously....how does he know. Maybe, just maybe my Dermatologist is sportin a eagle across his back? A cool cross on his shoulder? The arahmic word for Jesus? Who knows....but apparently he knows what a tat feels like. ON the other hand, I do, I have 4 tats. And let me tell ya.....what was to come later, hurt worse. I honestly think there is a numbing agent in the honking big silver canister. It wore off about 35-45 min. later and talk about HURT!

They blistered up like crazy and when I got home....all Joshua said was...."COOL! Can I touch it?" Uhhhhh, sure, I reckon you can touch it! Kids! LOL!!

But there's more.....now my right shoulder is itching just like the other started out to do. Crap. Just what I need.....Big silver freeze baby burner thingy again. But it'll be worth it to not have it grow into cancer. To be able to rest in the knowing that I'll be around for awhile longer. PHEW!!

~Peace
Tina.......

My new "Pal"

Ok...confession time......I'm sick and tired of feeling like I do, looking like I do so I've started My Fitness Pal (again). It's a free website that calculates how much caloric, fat, carbs, etc intake you should have daily based on how much you now weigh, how much you want to lose and your activity level. It's an online food diary with a HUGE database of foods already in it that you can add (even restuarants) to your daily intake or add your own. I did it about a year ago and lost about 25 lbs with it....the ONLY thing I didn't adhere to was the water intake recommended. This time I'm trying harder. 8 glasses a day is tough when you're used to drinking a 2 liter of Diet Dr. Pepper a day!!!!! But, I'm gonna get there. Come what may....I hope and pray to get to my goal in about 7-10 months time.

You see, we have this Family Reunion next summer.....gives me ONE year to do this. I don't want to be the one that everyone votes most changed.....lol. I've always been a skinny girl.....until the last few years that is, and especially after my hysterectomy. Oiy Vey!!

Well.....I tried to add my progress button to this page, but it won't let me saying it has characters in it that aren't allowed. Geez. So I'll have to just be honest with you on my progress......It'll help with accountability. Dh wants to lose as well.....what method he'll be taking is up to him......BUT I"m going to cook healthier, eat out healthier, etc. For all our sakes.

Gotta run.....but if you're interested, check out myfitnesspal.com and see if it is for you, too. I LOVE it.

Peace and good, happy eating to you all......

~Tina

We're off to the Races....

The Inagural Kentucky Speedway NASCAR race that is!!!! We live within a few hours drive from that particular race and have most always gone to the Nationwide race but this is the FIRST year that there will actually be a Cup race! I'm stoked! We got tickets with a guy dh works with, but there is a good friend of mine that I met on Facebook (FB) who also adopted from Guatemala (2 times..a boy and a girl) that is coming in from Long Island, NY so that we can meet up at the race!!! She and I have been planning this for MONTHS!

Joshua & I wanted to get the kiddos something so we scoured the house quickly for something for them......we're having our Yard Sale next weekend and thought there may be something in there to bring that has either been NEVER played with or hardly played with that we could "share" (give) with them. Joshua thought this was a wonderful idea.....it really was his idea first as he wanted to give the son a train to play with and keep and I told him the daughter might feel left out if she didn't receive anything. So we quickly found a cute something for her.

Joshua is naturally shy and is nervous about meeting the kiddos but he's also very excited too. He was going through his games and telling me to bring this and that for them to play with but that he didn't want to play with it....it was for the kiddos. How sweet is that?!

Well, this mama has to get a little rest so she can be sorta rested for visiting with Margaret tomorrow!!!!! I don't want to fall asleep while she's talking and have her think I'm bored.....I'd be just tired from the excitement of getting to finally meet her and not being able to sleep!

Not sure if the Speedway will have wi-fi (they said on their website they were working on it) but I'll update if they do.....if not.......check back in a few days to see how things progress with the kiddos.......I'm sure they'll have a blast and I'll be posting pics of them playing together!!!!

Blessings to each of you.....g'night....

~Tina



Pool Pictures 06/29

Here are a few pics that I forgot to post along with the new post just a few minutes ago...DUH...Blonde moment!! He did so good today.....even better when my camera battery died...Bwahahaha!!!!

I love this lil guy......we are truly blessed to have each other!!!!

~Tina



Hurry Up, Mommy! What mommy hasn't heard that at least a million times?

Today, Joshua and I went to our "local" pool that has an INCREDIBLE kiddie pool area!! It is complete with a frog that the kiddos slide down his tongue into the water!! Joshua can't get enough of it.....as a matter of fact, he said today that he wanted to be there for 1,000 days!! That would be nice, huh?

Well, on our way to the pool, Joshua said, "Hurry up, Mommy! They might close the pool again (like last time we were there for only 30 minutes but that is forever to a 4 yr old) for Thunder!" I said, "Honey, there isn't a cloud in the sky. You don't have anything to worry about, ok." He sounded extrememly puzzled with his next comment: "Well, then where is God!?" I asked, "What do you mean, 'where is God?'"

He replied, "Well, God lives up in Heaven in the clouds and if there aren't any clouds, where did He go?"

WOW.....how insightful! I went on to tell him how God lives in each of our hearts all the time and that he's with us no matter where we go and BTW.....I did tell him that God doesn't actually live "IN the clouds".

My lil man....he did something else today that was so chivalrous (sp?)!! While at the pool today, a young kiddo splashed me horribly......and mind you, I wasn't planning on getting very wet because I didn't bring dry clothes to change into. I wasn't a happy camper and Joshua noticed the look on my face I reckon and said something so sweet......"Mommy, I'll save you! I'm gonna find that boy and make him tell you he's sorry!" But he said it in the kindest way!!!! I told him that sometimes we have to let things slide and not worry about them. That some things aren't really as big as we make them out to be. Boy did I need to hear that one myself.....lol. I was at a pool for goodness sakes and I didn't expect to get wet? In the kiddie area!?

We had a great day, the very best day......

Blessings....

~Tina

Made the JUMP!! The SPLASH!! Whatever you want to call it...

Yep, we did it. What do you ask? Joshua is going to counseling for his anxiety, anger and most definately his seperation issues. We've been trying to do this "on our own" (sorta) since day one......with the kind help of an organization that helps only until the bugger is three then they are left to the school district if the school district feels there is a need, called First Steps. Well, to say the least, First Steps did help "SOMEWHAT" but it was soonafter that he was back to his ways of doing what he knew best.....survival in his world.

Joshua has only had 2, count 'em, two appointments with Ms. X so far. First appt went very very well. Too well I might think. But now I think the lil guy is figuring out that we want him to talk and he's not having too much of a part of it....he just wants to play with her toys....all of them. He did communicate to some level....but not much eye contact was made (like it was the first time we were there....man, he was on target then) and certainly he was pushing her away when she wanted to talk to him about something more than just the toy he was playing with. He also didn't like the fact that she DID NOT have any Thomas trains....how dare she....LOL!!!!! I really felt for her and my dear child.....I WANT things to go well.....I WANT him to communicate so that he can start to feel better about things......I WANT him to start to feel better about himself.....oh yeah.....she said that his "need" to win at EVERYTHING and EVERYTIME is a lack of self-confidence in himself....that he doesn't feel good about himself....OUCH! That one hurt. My son doesn't feel good about HIMSELF? WOW.....what an eye-opener for me. I always saw the laughing, funny, easy-going kiddo and thought sure, he's got some issues, but never for a second did I feel that he lacked for that. Don't get me wrong here......I feel awful about the other issues as well.....just wasn't prepared for that one.



Now.....how do we get to a place where he can self-regulate? Where he can not be so sensitive to all things in his world? Maybe he just has to learn to deal? I know that I REALLY need to educate myself on a few issues and things before we go much further. I do KNOW this to be true....there is TRUE hope in Jesus and I'll be teaching that to that lil guy.

We are planning on making a "Story of Joshua" and "The Story of Our Family" together.....all of us together....daddy too.....Mr. Crafty himself....LOL. Ms. X thinks this will help Joshua.....why? Can't really remember at the moment. I was too worried about Joshua being in the other room....alone. What was he thinking? Was he scared as he usually is? I really should be listening to Ms. X, but my sweet Joshua is 25' away from me....and he's....A-L-L alone!! WOW....he did it....he made it in the room all alone....I'm so proud of my lil man!!!!!! You see, Joshua can't go into a room alone.....hardly ever. AND HE DID IT!!!!! In a practically unfamiliar place too! I'm one proud mama bird!! I wanna see those wings spread and fly someday soon!!!!!  

~Tina

A Good Read with Possibilities?

Oh my goodness has it been almost a month since I've written? I'm so sorry to keep out of touch like that. A lot has been going on here. A lot with Joshua and a lot with me. Tony works crazy hours anymore since the river is up and he is almost on forced OT.....he has been working about 35 hours a week OT for a few months now and it doesn't look to be ending anytime soon. My chronic pain has been through the roof. So I've been kinda out of the loop so to speak....even on Facebook....lol. I never miss a day of FB to at least catch up on a few things but out of the last 10-14 days I think I've only been on there maybe 3 times. Now, as far as Joshua.....wow. What can I say, but he is getting worse in his separation anxiety. He's starting to act out now. Moreso at preschool than at home...but still at home too. So our days are full to say the least.

This is what I've been up to:

I got an Amazon Kindle for Valentines Day and have been trying to read, read and read some more. BUT....I try to keep up on the stuff that can help our situation.....adoption and trauma related reading. Right now, I'm just starting to read a book called, "The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family" by Dr. Karyn Purvis. I have 32 books on my Kindle, almost all of which are of this type with a few for Joshua (Thomas the Train for us to read together) and 2 games.

It is so DARN HARD to figure out which is the FIRST book to read to help our plight. I've started probably 3 and then find another that fits better. The good thing.....I can always go back to the others I've already started and even go back to refer to them throughout my reading.

I just want what's best for my lil man and God entrusted this lil guy to my care....how blessed am I!!!! Being a mom of an adoptive child is HARD WORK....no one ever said it was easy and if they did.....never adopted! Heck, being a mom is HARD WORK.....plain and simple. We all want to do it right.....but we will make mistakes.....sometimes big ones. Just pick up our pieces and learn from them, say we're sorry (how important that is) and move onward.

I've contacted a counselor and am thrilled to be able to get him in (eventually as she has no room right now but will call when they do) as they have cancellations for the time being. I honestly have been dying to get Joshua to see her for a long time but finally have gotten my husband on board. He is so protective and only wants to have the best for Joshua and was worried they'd put him on meds....I told Tony that we make that decision.....besides counselors don't put them on meds, medical Dr's do. He felt better about that and FINALLY saw the light after three days of 3 hours of a meltdown like none other. I just thank the Good Lord above that Tony's on board!! FINALLY!

What are you reading and is it helping? I can only pray and pray that I do the very best that I possibly can by that lil guy! He's the best thing that ever happened to me aside from my other 2 babies (who are now 22 and 19) and Tony!!! I've got the best family one could ask for! I'm one lucky girl!